This morning, I went down to our family room to look for my glasses. I didn’t find them but was shocked to find something else. While going back upstairs, I was horrified to find a hairy, ferocious, ravenous beast. It raced down the steps, ready to pounce. I jumped back into the bathroom to avoid getting eaten. I peeked out and saw it shrink and slink into the vent at the foot of the stairs, hiding and waiting to make me and my children its next meal.
I swear, I could feel its hot breath coming out of the vent blowing on my naked, unprotected, and paralyzed feet. How to save myself? I thought of running outside through the basement door, but what about the kids? I couldn’t just leave them upstairs as prey. My husband was already gone for work, so I was on my own. I had to be brave! Ugh! Adulting can be so hard, especially when a monster barges into your home!
Although I detected no movement from the vent, I’m sure it was still there, stalking me, sniffing out the fear secreting from my adrenal glands. What to do? Fight or flight? I needed to escape.
I didn’t have time to think and had to just get away before it attacked. I leapt from my stance and flew to the third step above the vent. In an instant, I was at the top of the stairs and looked back, horrified as its fur covered body and bald tail squeezed under the door to the unfinished part of the basement.
I wish I could tell you that I saw this kind of mouse. But it was really this kind.
There are no pictures to really display how dreadful and ghastly my uninvited guest was though. Do you know that a rodent is a small furry mammal whose teeth NEVER stop growing? Oh my my! Maybe I need a cat…
I wonder if this spunky pup can help out.
I know her skittish brother wouldn’t dare touch a mouse.
I am a good hostess but not to pests like mice torturing me on my stairs, moles tunneling through my yard, and birds nesting in my attic. I’ve also had enough of the creepy crawly space invaders cobwebbing inside.
I composed this letter sanctioning help:
Dear Mother Nature,
I know you do what you need to, and you have this checklist to follow, and these bugs and critters are showing up in my Pennsylvania home because it’s getting cooler, but can you send them elsewhere? I just want to relax, write, and drink my wine away from rodents, bees, stink bugs, and fruit flies. Is that too much to ask?
Could you let your little friends know that I have no vacancy for one more living creature. Perhaps, you could see if my neighbors have room.
On a positive note, I wanted to thank you for the gorgeous autumn trees. I love the smell of crispy, golden, fiery leaves, but if you want to give those to the neighbors too, I don’t mind sharing. That’s what good neighbors do.
Thank you in advance.
P.S. I have a couple temporary solutions for the wino fruit flies and stink bugs:
My puppy helps take down stink bugs – video